Rest
When I decided to take a blog hiatus back in February, my only intention was to rest my hands for a couple months. To allow some time for my hurting tendons and pinched nerves to calm down. To slowly and safely catch up on some other creative projects I needed to accomplish. To be gentle and cautious and focus primarily on returning to come semblance of well-being. For once.
I achieved those things. My little bout of cubital tunnel syndrome is now but a memory. My thumb is the happiest it has been in a very long time (but it remains cantankerous). I have completed some art and short story projects. This is all great!
But recently I also found myself requiring a more intense, all-encompassing rest than anticipated. For the very first time since the pernicious virus has reared its ugly head on this earth, I have managed to come down with covid.
I wasn’t hit hospital-hard, but it was still a doozy. Having preexisting conditions doesn’t help—even if those issues are not lung conditions. A wimpy body such as mine can make for a scary illness… and so it did with great success.
Anyway, that was a most unpleasant diversion, to say the least. That plus the nasty “swamp monster disease” I had for several weeks prior that did wildly entertaining things to my voice. Plus, before THAT, there was the flareup of my digestive condition that made my throat so raw I had to sleep in a chair for a month… which led to a lack of sleep in and of itself.
In short, the last several months have been a treacherous roller coaster ride in the health department. Life has not been fun.
But I’m baaaaaack. (Sheepish grin)
It wasn’t ALL dreadful. In fact, the full rest that covid demanded proved beneficial for my hands. I’m reliant on doing many physical therapy exercises on a daily basis. I’ve been living like this for 6 years, now. But that came to a halt when the virus invasion demanded all of my efforts and attention. And, miraculously, my hands and shoulders tolerated it well. A reduction in therapy typically results in pain and extreme stiffness… but not this time. And this is the first time ever. I don’t get it. This is likely temporary and due only to this freakishly abnormal degree of inactivity that really is not sustainable in the long run. But I’m thankful for this respite from pain. It’s a blessing. I’ll take whatever relief I can get.
Rest rocks. It doesn’t get enough attention in this work-obsessed society. But this extreme pause/reset that covid dumped on me wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It helped. And I’m not just talking about RSI pain. I mean we all need time to stop and reflect on our lives, where we currently stand, what’s broken, what needs to be addressed or changed. We all need some rest sometimes.
I recognize that the true, deep rest of which I speak is not a luxury many of us can afford—we have jobs, obligations, and various demands that we cannot abandon. I clearly cannot cast these aside, or else I would not have been struggling so much for so long.
But the kind of rest I’m prone to isn’t much of a rest at all. It’s usually the rest of a frustrated feral creature, fighting and straining against the chains that only barely hold it back. There is no healing to be found in this. But in surrender and in complete acceptance of the situation (with a side order of stubborn determination to carry through), in quiet obedience—progress may be found. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anything like this until recently, which I’d call a peaceful collapse if I weren’t so busy busting my ribs with coughs (not a figure of speech this time, unfortunately).
Thinking along those lines of rest, while I do consider myself back to the blog (and I did miss working on it), I’m not back with my old strictly-scheduled clockwork zeal. I used to update every other Friday. I was likely overdoing it and pushing my body too hard. Now I’m going to go easier on myself and update… randomly. (GASP!) I’m going to be a little more informal and laid-back and prioritize healing. I need it. My body has cried out enough and I must listen.
Healing takes time and patience.
The creating of quality work takes time and patience, too!
I need to learn how to relax more, rush less, and in general be gentler with myself before I accidentally destroy myself. Posts may be shorter. Posts may be sillier. I need more silliness. I think we all do. And satirical narratives are so much fun!
In other news, I’ll have an exciting announcement in a few months. But you’ll have to wait. Aren’t I cruel. Stay posted and take good care of yourselves, my friends.
It’s so stinkin’ good to be back.
